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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194516">Something inevitable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettercallsian/pseuds/Bettercallsian'>Bettercallsian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Better Call Saul (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:35:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194516</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettercallsian/pseuds/Bettercallsian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following on from the events of Something Unforgivable. Kimmy and Jimmy still have things to get out in the open.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman &amp; Kim Wexler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even though Jimmy was normally used to working while in turmoil, he couldn’t face the day ahead of him this time and managed to get a continuance for his appearances. Kim dutifully left for the courthouse and gave him a quick kiss, leaving him at the hotel reception desk to check out and take their luggage home. He watched her walk away and sighed. </p><p>Despite their strange, yet passionate evening there was still so much left unsaid. He’d fully steeled himself to end things with Kim. It had taken all his strength to try and broach the subject. He’d tried twice, but it was as if she sensed it coming and immediately changed the subject. This surprised him. Their relationship had always felt precariously fragile, like one more wrong step, or one more argument would be their breaking point. Yet everytime he felt it slipping away there she was. It was almost as if there was nothing he could do that would drive her away. Part of him had resigned to the fact that she would leave eventually. He’d always dreaded that moment, it felt inevitable, but at the same time he almost wanted her to. Once it was over that looming feeling that things would end in tragedy would be gone, and he could fully surrender to the part of himself he had tried to suppress for so long.</p><p>“Excuse me. Can I help you?” The receptionist waved her hand trying to get his attention.</p><p>“Sorry.” He snapped back to reality. “Can I check out?” He slid the keycard onto the front desk.</p><p>As the receptionist processed his payment the buzzing vibrations of the phone in his pocket made him jump. He moved his luggage to one side and answered the call from an unknown number.</p><p>“Saul Goodman. Speedy justice for you.” He tried to keep a cheerful tone, but he could feel the clenching grip of anxiety in his chest.</p><p>“You alone?” Mike’s stone cold voice emanated from the receiver.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jimmy’s heart started beating faster. “What’s up?” For some reason he couldn’t place, he tried his best to sound casual.</p><p>“Let’s just say things didn’t work out as planned.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” He clenched his sweating fingers harder around the phone.</p><p>“Salamanca is alive. Now before you freak out, I’m only telling you this so I don’t get any impromptu visits to me house again. Everything I said before still stands. He has bigger things on his mind than you.” </p><p>Jimmy swallowed hard as his mouth went dry. “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>He had felt like he had been waiting forever for Kim to come home. His messages and calls had gone unanswered. His mind raced with the possibilities. A vivid image of her being dragged into Lalo’s car. Being made to pay for disrespecting him and telling him how to run his business. Making her pay for Jimmy’s mistakes. He hadn’t eaten since their late night ice-cream, yet what little was left in his stomach threatened to come back up. The sound of the key in the door filled him with relief and he sat upright as she came into the room. Kim set her briefcase down and came over to the couch. He broke the silence.</p><p>“You didn’t answer my calls.”</p><p>She took of her suit jacket and draped it over the chair. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy today. By the time I saw the missed calls I was already on my way home.” Kim sidled up to him and put her hand on his. “Everything okay?” She looked him in the eye as if trying to decipher his frame of mind.</p><p>“Your going to be crazy busy with all your new pro bono clients.”</p><p>“It’s nothing I can’t handle. I picked up some aloe gel for that sunburn. You want me to---”</p><p>“Listen. You know what I said about how I spoke to my guy and that everything was going to be fine?” She looked at him calm, but expectantly. Her lack of concern worried him. “Well everything’s okay. Just not as okay as we may have thought.”</p><p>“We’re not still in danger are we?” Her eyebrows raised but her composure remained. How could she be so calm?</p><p>“Probably not, but we need to be careful.”</p><p>“We really need to get our minds off all this.” She got up, disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of tequila and a takeout menu. There was nothing he wanted more than to sooth his frayed nerves with a stiff drink and to dissappear into Kim’s warmth as they sank into the couch watching movies. He couldn’t carry on lying to himself, and dragging her even further into his dangerous world. He poured himself a tequila for courage.</p><p>“About last night.” He shifted on his seat. He noticed Kim tense up as he spoke. Somehow she seemed more nervous now then she did when he suggested they might be in physical danger.</p><p>“We don’t have to go over all of that now do we? What about an evening with no drama.”</p><p>“I have to say this. If I don’t do it now I might never.”</p><p>“Not everything needs to be said.” She put her hand on his leg and she pulled it back as he frowned.</p><p>“At the hotel. When you said I crossed a line---”</p><p>“Why don’t we just forget the past. Let’s concentrate on the future.”</p><p>“You know that’s what we said the morning before we got married, and yet, here we are again.” It was hard to face the truth head on, but he couldn’t stop now. He wrung his hands together and carried on. “You were right. That night you asked me to marry you. I lie. I make you lie.”</p><p>“Listen, Jimmy.” She tilted so they were face to face. “I know I said that. I’m sorry I put that on you. I lied to my client. Me. I knew if he went to trial he would lose. I did it because I truly believed the ends justified the means. I blamed you, but I make my own decisions. You weren’t even there when I told them you were from the DA's office, and that the deal was off the table.”</p><p>“I was the one that suggested it in the first place. I put the idea in your head. There is no way you would have even thought of doing that if I hadn’t said it.”</p><p>He watched her process what he was saying. A glint of sadness and frustration filled her gorgeous eyes. The thought of not being able to look into those eyes made him lose steam.</p><p>She took his hand in hers and he squeezed back. He didn’t want to give this up, but he couldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t.</p><p>“Okay, maybe it wouldn’t have crossed my mind, but what about Lubbock? You were right. That wasn’t using our powers for good. There was nothing aulteristic about that, and that was all me. Jimmy...I...I feel like a hypocrite. At least you admit why you do what you do. </p><p>Her honesty took him aback. He was so used to there always being a barrier between them. Having everything in the open was terrifying, yet relieving at the same time. The urge to tell her everything, to unburden himself, took over. He took a gulp of tequila. The warmth burning his throat on the way down. “I can’t promise that I wont do it again. There is so much you don’t know. Remember when I defended Nacho Varga?”</p><p>“Do we really have to do this now? I’ve had a long day.” Her eyes were wide and pleading as if she were begging him to stop. He ignored her and carried on. He couldn’t lose his momentum.</p><p>“I met him in the desert. I was taken into the desert by another Salamanca. Tuco. He was going to cut off my finger.”</p><p>Kim’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Why? What happened?” She leaned forward.</p><p>“I was running a scam on the Kettlemans. These guys I hired to get in an accident with Betsy, ran a scam on the wrong person.” The truth poured out of him. It felt so good to tell someone. “The people I hired ended up getting their legs broken. I couldn’t get the sound of it out of my head. People got hurt because of me, and I still decided to get involved with Lalo. I didn’t even have to do it. If something ever happened to you because of me...” He had to make her understand. She had to know why he had to leave her. He hadn’t even realised tears had started forming in his eyes. Kim sat there stunned, taking it all in. An awkward silence hung in the air stifling them.</p><p>“I don’t care.” Kim was first to break the silence. Her eyes glistened in the lamp light. “I don’t understand why you need to do what you do. What I do know is, you. You know what Howard said to me yesterday when he told me about the bowling balls and prostitutes, he said, ‘you know who knew Jimmy. Chuck.’ He’s wrong. I know you. I know you better than anyone else. With everything I know about you, I still want this. Please trust me. I know what I’m doing. My eyes are wide open.” She slowly raised her hand to his face and pulled his hair to the side with her fingers. Her lips touched his as she gently kissed him and she cupped the back of his head before pulling him closer. As their kiss deepened she straddled him as he laid back on the couch. Her blonde hair hung down in soft curls as she lowered down fully, bodies pressed up against each other. Jimmy had never felt closer to anyone. She knew all his flaws, the bad things he had done, and wanted to be with him anyway. He couldn’t have imagined it that day they first met at HHM. As they undressed each other he wondered how he got so lucky.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Unforgivable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jimmy reveals some hard truths about Chuck, and Kim and Jimmy discuss their future.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The early morning sun shone through the crack in the curtains and Kim watched Jimmy sleep as she dissected the previous evenings conversation in her head. He had spent most of the night tossing and turning, clearly the happenings in the desert still plagued his subconscious. She remembered lying in this same bed just three nights ago wondering if Jimmy would ever sleep in it again as she stared at his empty side of the bed.</p><p>His chest slowly rose and fell and she positioned her head on him listening to his heartbeat. She now knew what had happened in the desert. The thought of some ruthless gang member holding a gun to his head made her feel sick to her stomach. The $100,000 sat in the bag at the bottom of the closet, along with the mug she had bought him. Her mind raced with the possibilities of what might have happened if Lalo had seen the bullet hole. Looking back, she found it strange that Jimmy couldn’t talk Lalo down, although, it wasn’t the first time he wasn’t able to talk his way out of a sticky situation. It frightened her that she had become so good at lying and manipulating, better than Jimmy. She couldn’t have imagined she would be in the position she was now. She knew once the dust had settled from his latest brush with danger, that the need would rise up in him again. Part of her knew that trying to distract him from being a friend of the cartel, by plotting against Howard would only last so long. She had to accept the fact that she would always worry about him. </p><p>Her life was never supposed to go this way. It was supposed to be her against the world. She hadn’t intended to get so invested in another human being, her mother had taught her that, yet here she was, in too deep with a man she had found so obnoxious and brash when she first met him in the mail room. He was now the person that knew her better than anyone. </p><p>Jimmy started stirring and she couldn’t help but smile as his hair flopped in his face. She decided to get up and make them a drink, rubbing her eyes as she plodded to the kitchen in her pajamas. She looked over at the juicer and decided against orange juice, after Jimmy’s reaction the last time she powered it up. She wondered what it was about the sound of the blender that had triggered him and shuddered. With coffee on the go she started making some scrambled eggs. In the short time since he had gone missing she could already tell he had lost weight. </p><p>As she stirred the eggs in the pan she heard movement as Jimmy emerged from the bedroom. He seemed to move with more energy now, hopefully his body was recuperating from his trek through the desert. He still looked a little stiff though. There was something about him in the mornings, and late evenings that appealed to her. When he was sleepy, when the facade of Saul, or slipping Jimmy was gone, and all they had was each other. </p><p>He shuffled across the kitchen and propped himself up against the counter as she placed a steaming cup in front of him. Neither of them said a word, they didn’t need to.</p><p> </p><p>Kim spend her day prepping and getting familiar with her new case load, her brain running a million miles an hour. She had so many new clients to meet, and strategies to develop and tried to keep from getting overwhelmed, she had asked for this after all. The papers were strewn across the table and she tried to make some order to the chaos. She wasn’t going to let her clients down. She had carefully picked the cases she wanted. People who were down on their luck. People who had made a single bad choice. People without options and opportunities. The files on the desk were just a drop in the ocean. She told herself that if she could make a difference to just one person, that would have to be enough for now, but it was never enough. </p><p>She heard the familiar sound of the key in the door. Jimmy had answered a call and disappeared, as he often did. She wondered if he had gone to see this guy he had mentioned, this guy who saved Jimmy’s life. A man who supposedly took out a whole gang with a sniper rifle. It simultaneously frightened and relieved her that Jimmy had someone like this on his side. </p><p>He seemed in good spirits as he came in, bags of take-out in his arms. The smell reminded her that she had skipped lunch.</p><p>“Thai again? They must love you there.”</p><p>“Let's just say, I keep ‘em in business.” He placed the food on the table. “I got us a little something extra.” He slid a bottle from a brown paper bag. Kim was grateful. A good drink quietened her mind, which was currently in overdrive. She considered asking him about his day, but wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.</p><p>After some inane conversation Jimmy’s expression turned serious. “So have you thought anymore about what you’re going to do to fund your pro-bono work. I mean no rush or anything. That 100 thousand can tide us over.”</p><p>“Jimmy, that’s yours, besides, I don’t know how I feel about using cartel money. What if Salamanca comes back for it? I can take some paid clients when I get desperate. I’m good for now. Don’t you think we need to put that money somewhere safe?” </p><p>“I’ll get around to it.” Jimmy poured the box of noodles on his plate before passing the other half to Kim. </p><p>“I know you weren’t happy when I said I dropped Mesa Verde, but think about it, now we can practice together. You and me. Criminal law. Some pro-bono thrown in there.” She waited for his reaction but it wasn’t what she expected. His face was straight but thoughtful. “Wasn’t that what you always wanted. Us sharing an office? We could check some out. Doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy. Somewhere close to the courthouse.” </p><p>She finally got the reaction she wanted as a large grin spread across his face. “We can finally be our own bosses. The only reason I took the job at Schweikart was so I could concentrate on my pro-bono work, but Mesa Verde still ended up taking over. I know what I want now. The corporate world isn’t for me.” She so desperately wanted them to be on the same page and this was there chance. If he strayed too far from legitimate criminal law she still had the Sandpiper scam in her back pocket to satisfy his need for a scam, or any financial need that might arise. </p><p>She’d never forget when she won Mesa Verde’s business for HHM after hours of trawling and calling potential clients. Then Howard snubbed her. Then there was those late nights in doc review. There is no way Howard would have been able to convince the Kettleman's to take that deal. To this day she never figured out why Howard got such pleasure from punishing her. Jimmy had once joked that he had a thing for her, but that couldn’t be it. She remembered that moment in the elevator. The audacity of thinking the only reason she could have left Schweikart was because Rich let her go, and then blaming Jimmy. She was sick of people blaming him for everything, and for underestimating her. The bold assumptions all these men in power made. At least Rich wasn’t like that, and everything had ended fairly amicably. </p><p>“Kim you listening?”</p><p>“Sorry. I was just thinking.” She twirled the noodles around her fork. </p><p>“So you’d be happy sharing an office with Saul Goodman?”</p><p>“I guess he’s not so bad. I mean I didn’t really get it at first. I think I’m starting to understand now.” </p><p>“In the interest of full disclosure, after last night, I shared a lot of things. There’s something I never told you.”</p><p>Kim sat upright and put down her fork. His face was full of an emotion she couldn’t place. Maybe sadness, mixed with something else. She had had enough surprises over the last few days and braced herself for what was to come. </p><p>“Changing my name. I wanted the continuity for my clients, the people buying my phones, but it’s more than that.”</p><p>She leaned forward. His face looked pained as if he had to force the words out.</p><p>“There was no way I could practise under the name McGill. I needed to get as far away from that name as possible.”</p><p>“I understand.”</p><p>“No, not this you won’t. This is unforgivable.”</p><p>“Jimmy?” She leaned in even closer.</p><p>“You know what Chuck’s last words were to me? Just a day or two before...”</p><p>“Jimmy you don't have to---.”</p><p>“No...I do. I went over there to try and smooth things over.” His voice broke a little. Talking feelings was not his strong suit.</p><p>“Go on.” She gave him a reassuring squeeze of the shoulder.</p><p>“You’ve never mattered all that much to me.”</p><p>Kim sat dumbfounded. She could only imagine how that made him feel. Her sadness for him gripped her chest like someone was literally crushing her heart in their hand. “Jimmy I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what to do or say, but she was glad he told her. He had to start processing these things, rather than burying them down. Suddenly all his behaviour over the last fear or so all started to make sense.  She went to put her arms around him but he pulled back.</p><p>“Kim, there’s more.”</p><p>“Okay.” She waited patiently as he shifted awkwardly in his chair. </p><p>“You’re not going to like this.”</p><p>“Whatever it is, I’d rather know. We can work through it.”</p><p>“I’m the reason the insurance company hiked up him malpractice insurance. I’m the reason Howard tried to get him to retire. I’m the reason Chuck kille---"</p><p>“Jimmy stop.” She couldn’t let him finish the sentence. </p><p>“Please Kim. I have to.”</p><p>Kim sat there powerless. </p><p>“When I got suspended, they put up my insurance. I was angry. I wanted him to suffer like I was, except...I did do what he said I did. I had no excuse. It was just petty. I am the lowlife that everyone says I am. You deserve better than me.”</p><p>“You know what Jimmy. I am so sick of people telling me what I deserve.”</p><p>They sat in a thick, stifling silence. Kim threw back a shot and then poured herself another. It was going to be another one of those nights where she finished the bottle. She pushed away the thought that she was turning into her mother. “I don’t agree with what you did. After the Bar hearing. He was already so low. You kicked him while he was down.” She stopped when she realised she was piling more guilt on Jimmy’s shoulders. “He was perfectly fine with destroying you. Even before Mesa Verde. He lied to your face and made Howard look like the bad guy. He gave as good as he got. He was getting better. There was no way you’d know that he would kill himself, not that we even know if that was true. Its just Howard’s theory. Speaking of Howard, he didn’t have to make Chuck retire. We all make choices, Chuck included. If he did what he did, that was his decision.</p><p>“But he wasn’t in his right mind.” Jimmy slumped defeated on the couch. </p><p>Kim was conflicted. Jimmy’s little performance at his reinstatement appeal made so much sense now and Chuck’s last words rolled around in her brain. You never mattered all that much to me. Jimmy’s own brother. His only living relative. Screw the insurance she thought. “it’s been a long day. Why don’t we go to bed?” She recalled when she had been given Chuck's letter to give to Jimmy. When she came home to him that night she couldn’t bring herself to give it to him. He looked happy and she didn’t want to ruin that so instead of giving him the letter she lavished him in affection. She didn’t think that would work in this case so the best she could do was be there for him. They could spend tomorrow looking for offices and planning their future.</p><p>She took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom in silence. She knew she couldn’t make everything better, but she would give it her best shot.</p>
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